hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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