new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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