She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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