I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
