I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
