Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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