She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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