the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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