and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
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I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
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i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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