It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
