I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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