evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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