does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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