I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
