His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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