im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
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The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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