dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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