Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
