Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
false alarm, still single
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
