I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
