saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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