so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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