i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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