If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
