Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
