I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it was like eating out sand paper
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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