Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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