that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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