I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
