Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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