You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
