Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
