I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
