I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize