I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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