Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
