I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
