ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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