Its about making memories worth repressing
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
