there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
