I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
