He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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