: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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