What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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