he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
