Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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