My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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