We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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