No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
