That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
