You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
