My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
