all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
