you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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