I can tuck mytits in my pants
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
