Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize