Your face is a jimmy john
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
