omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
