Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
