She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize