i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
