please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize