Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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