Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
