I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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